The Pleaser gives too much...he starts to resent it.

Leadership GLUE: Tip #30

[PQ - Positive Intelligence] The Saboteur Series...

"Whatever you can always count on me." The Pleaser indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering others. As a result, he loses sight of his own needs and becomes resentful. The Pleaser Saboteur gives his heart away...but becomes empty and burnedoutl. 

The Pleaser needs frequent reassurance by others about their acceptance and affection. Pleasers have difficulty expressing their own needs openly and directly; they do so indirectly by having people feel obligated to reciprocate care.

The thoughts of the Pleaser:

"To be a good person I should put the need of others ahead of my own."

"It bothers me when people don't notice or care about what I have done for them."

"Others can be selfish and ungrateful."

"I give away too much and don't think of myself enough."

"If I don't rescue people, who will?

The lies the Pleaser tells himself:

I don't do this for myself, I do it for others.

I help others selflessly and don't expect anything in return.

The world would be a better place if everyone did the same as me.

The impact on others: the Pleaser doesn't realize that always pleasing others leads to resentment and burnout. Often, the Pleaser resents being taken for granted, but has difficulty expressing it.

The Pleaser's family and friends often become dependent on the Pleaser rather than taking care of themselves. This leads them to feel obligated, guilty, or manipulated by the Pleaser.

The Pleaser tries to earn attention and acceptance through helping others. This is an indirect attempt to have one's emotional needs met. The Pleaser believes he must put other's needs ahead of his own, and give love and affection in order to get any in return.

The Pleaser believes he is not worthy of love and must earn it by pleasing others.

If the Pleaser characteristics, thoughts and feelings resonate with you, I invite you to take the PQ Saboteur Assessment and learn more about the Saboteurs that are most active in you: 

Learning how to weaken your Saboteurs will give you peace and contentment like never before and you can learn the tools to manage your mind and find emotional freedom.

When you identify and understand your Saboteur you can begin to weaken their voices in you head. This is when you decide how you want to create your life and you leave the Saboteurs behind as you embrace the calm and authenticity that can be yours.

Take a moment, breathe in, and listen to the Judge and other Saboteurs in your mind harshly criticizing you, filling you with self-doubt, and creating negative thoughts towards yourself and others. These thoughts kill your productivity and make you less effective at work and less loving at home.

Think about it. Do you really want to continue life this way or do you want to find relief from the suffering you and those you love may be having?

You won't have to look far to see what I mean.

Take the Saboteur assessment here: 

Sending positive vibes your way.

Kae Wagner
North Star Marketing
PQ FLOW Coaching


There are no comments yet. Be the first one to leave a comment!